i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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