i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just google imaged poop.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
