I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
