I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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