I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
