He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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