i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
