You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
