I'm going to jail i love you
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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