I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize