Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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