I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
