i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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