I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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