I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
