And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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