Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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