but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
