And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
