Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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