dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Success! We fucked roommates!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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