He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
