:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
