You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize