I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
