I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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