There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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