I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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