There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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