we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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