I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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