Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
