yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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