If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
