he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
