He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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