I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
