he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
