I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
