No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
