goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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