a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
