I am spending my child support on dildos
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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