last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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