Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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