we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
