Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
