Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
