yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
