The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
