She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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