I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize