My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
