I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
