No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize