"it" just moved
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
