Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude i'm inner monologue high
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
