According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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