It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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