the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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