don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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