I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
