I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize