I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
