I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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