ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
