so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
