so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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